So, I had the day planned with projects to do, pictures to identify and lunch with my sister, when I get this call cancelling the whole day....hard to swallow when your mom says "no I don't feel like going out today". After a thought or two that probably shouldn't have entered my mind, I swallowed hard, indeed, saddened by the lost opportunity and lost moments with her that will be more difficult to recapture as time goes by.
Still had lunch with my sister...made a great effort not to bring the subject up (we had already talked) and to just enjoy lunch. Conversations over TV shows that have come into view as the new season opens up, scrapbooks we are working on, our kids, my grandkids, our recent trip to the coast, the rainy days we have had....but neither of us wanted to bring up the subject of our Mom. Too painful to feel rejected, as she was rejected three weeks ago and told to stay "out of her life". My, what has God planned for us??? The journey is probably just beginning and we must remember to keep our armor up!
Disappointment---maybe I should have insisted but treading in deep waters or walking on thin ice. Patience!!
9.22.2010
8.18.2010
Moving Spirit
I've been awake off and on since 4 am....anxious thoughts webbed in and out of my dreams as I thought and prayed for my kids.
I thought once the children were grown "things" would get easier. My heart is with all of them as I listen to them talk about their daily doings and anxious moments. I know "things" will get easier but because I've traveled similar moments of their path, I know we all have to go through the growing pains. And, yet my heart yearns to make it better, easier, somehow shield them from their anxiety. So I will continue to pray.
Today I will take another step into knowing more about myself and my spirituality. What is spirituality? What does it mean to me and my life? I'm very excited to meet with several women to discuss the need we all thirst for and how we can help each other quench it.
Today I will also walk into Grace Place. This is be a day care Alzheimers' facility where I feel I'm being called to volunteer. I'm going with an agenda though .... 1) I will view it as a safe place to take my mom a few days a week, getting her out of the house and into a place that understands the disease and will guide her to do activities that may keep her mind from slipping so quickly; 2) I hope to be able to work in the library; 3) I hope to learn more about this dreadful disease that is more than my siblings and I seem to be able to wrap our arms around; 4) I hope that this will allow some other times to see my mother.
Today I will get a haircut....not too short....as I'm still satisfied with the length of it.
Today I will try a recipe... one of my mother's....I will begin Volume II of De Las Rosas....
Lots to do and so I must go as the spirit is moving and my anxious thoughts need to be given away.....for nothing is impossible!
I thought once the children were grown "things" would get easier. My heart is with all of them as I listen to them talk about their daily doings and anxious moments. I know "things" will get easier but because I've traveled similar moments of their path, I know we all have to go through the growing pains. And, yet my heart yearns to make it better, easier, somehow shield them from their anxiety. So I will continue to pray.
Today I will take another step into knowing more about myself and my spirituality. What is spirituality? What does it mean to me and my life? I'm very excited to meet with several women to discuss the need we all thirst for and how we can help each other quench it.
Today I will also walk into Grace Place. This is be a day care Alzheimers' facility where I feel I'm being called to volunteer. I'm going with an agenda though .... 1) I will view it as a safe place to take my mom a few days a week, getting her out of the house and into a place that understands the disease and will guide her to do activities that may keep her mind from slipping so quickly; 2) I hope to be able to work in the library; 3) I hope to learn more about this dreadful disease that is more than my siblings and I seem to be able to wrap our arms around; 4) I hope that this will allow some other times to see my mother.
Today I will get a haircut....not too short....as I'm still satisfied with the length of it.
Today I will try a recipe... one of my mother's....I will begin Volume II of De Las Rosas....
Lots to do and so I must go as the spirit is moving and my anxious thoughts need to be given away.....for nothing is impossible!
5.25.2010
After 60
The day after my sixty first birthday I ventured into a new look....braces!!! no, not the wire kind but the invisalign kind. They promise to straighten, brighten, and eventually add life to my now in good health teeth....which is a good thing considering how much these cost. But in the long run I will have my own teeth.
At this age we have to start thinking of such things....will I have my own knees? my own hips? will I be able to play with my grandkids and eat candied apples with them? Such thoughts I supposed never entered my mind before but now that I've reached the AARP age......which I don't have by the way.....thoughts such as these enter. Perhaps it's all the "senior junk mail" we get.....using "senior" priviledges hasn't been an issue though. Even my sister who is not yet a "legal 55 senior" tends to use these priviledges.....getting into the movies for two bucks cheaper works for her!! Getting soup & salad at the local buffet at senior discounts, she likes that as well.....whatever works!! Sixty-one.....I'll still whisper 60!
At this age we have to start thinking of such things....will I have my own knees? my own hips? will I be able to play with my grandkids and eat candied apples with them? Such thoughts I supposed never entered my mind before but now that I've reached the AARP age......which I don't have by the way.....thoughts such as these enter. Perhaps it's all the "senior junk mail" we get.....using "senior" priviledges hasn't been an issue though. Even my sister who is not yet a "legal 55 senior" tends to use these priviledges.....getting into the movies for two bucks cheaper works for her!! Getting soup & salad at the local buffet at senior discounts, she likes that as well.....whatever works!! Sixty-one.....I'll still whisper 60!
5.17.2010
all i needed
God is good.....talked to all my kids today.....all I needed to get me out of the blues. Will start a new day tomorrow and look for the rainbow in the sky! :)
BLAHS
As much as I try....I need to get out of the blahs....but how can I when issues loom overhead and everytime I think about those issues I get a stomach ache!!! Blah!!!
On a good note, I had lunch with my sister, saw my dentist (crown didn't work, need to go back again), need braces....can you believe this???? Did I say this was on a good note? Oh I spoke to two of my children and hopefully by the end of the evening to all of them....maybe by the end of the week? I think I'll hibernate in my sewing/scrapping room for a while, maybe then will I get out of this funk!!!
On a good note, I had lunch with my sister, saw my dentist (crown didn't work, need to go back again), need braces....can you believe this???? Did I say this was on a good note? Oh I spoke to two of my children and hopefully by the end of the evening to all of them....maybe by the end of the week? I think I'll hibernate in my sewing/scrapping room for a while, maybe then will I get out of this funk!!!
5.15.2010
when the time comes
When the time comes, I pray that all my children will be able to connect lovingly and compassionately to decide what is best for one or both of us.
Knowledge is key to successful communication, if we don't have all the information needed we can't communicate with each other. God gave us two ears and one mouth.....we should be able to use the two ears before the mouth gets in the way. Bringing up past history only makes one hysterical......so all history should be put aside. Listening with the heart first, allows all to speak without feeling intimidated, belittled, inadequate or incapable. Listening with the heart first, allows all to listen to the tiny voice that wants to tell the truth the way it is seen by the one speaking or to view a different perspective. Listening with the heart allows some softening......perhaps ........allows all to come to a realization of what is going on with the other.......it may make us unselfish at that. Puts some ground beneath the attacks.....makes way for sharing concern, love, compassion.........OR.........maybe not!!! If there is no room to connect with your siblings.
Communication is more than a transfer of information; it is the forming of a connection that includes heart and soul, thought and feeling.
My mother has Alzhemir's!! Alzhemir's is a terrible disease, an unknown cure. " a painful, wasting disease" According to Claudia J. Strauss "Alzheimer's was dismissed as an untreatable disorder, and the strategy of care consisted of custodial services in environments that were essentially warehouses....it is now evident that, although the biology of neurodegeneration gradually plunders the cognitive abilities of the person with the disease, the strategies of care and the communications skills of the care provider could help to maintain independent functioning and life with dignity, and slow the rate of losses in the activities of daily living. " What do we do now? How do we help when no help is wanted, really wanted? "Control" has a name and it's not easy or pleasant to talk to him/her. They have all the ins and outs of caring for mom and are unwilling to risk giving some of it up for fear of losing control. Their loss and ours as well.
When the time comes I pray that our children will listen to each other ..... be kind and tenderhearted as Ephesians 4:32 tells us to be. To encourage one another....1 Thessaloians 5:11 but most of all, love one another deeply from the heart.....Peter 1:22
Knowledge is key to successful communication, if we don't have all the information needed we can't communicate with each other. God gave us two ears and one mouth.....we should be able to use the two ears before the mouth gets in the way. Bringing up past history only makes one hysterical......so all history should be put aside. Listening with the heart first, allows all to speak without feeling intimidated, belittled, inadequate or incapable. Listening with the heart first, allows all to listen to the tiny voice that wants to tell the truth the way it is seen by the one speaking or to view a different perspective. Listening with the heart allows some softening......perhaps ........allows all to come to a realization of what is going on with the other.......it may make us unselfish at that. Puts some ground beneath the attacks.....makes way for sharing concern, love, compassion.........OR.........maybe not!!! If there is no room to connect with your siblings.
Communication is more than a transfer of information; it is the forming of a connection that includes heart and soul, thought and feeling.
My mother has Alzhemir's!! Alzhemir's is a terrible disease, an unknown cure. " a painful, wasting disease" According to Claudia J. Strauss "Alzheimer's was dismissed as an untreatable disorder, and the strategy of care consisted of custodial services in environments that were essentially warehouses....it is now evident that, although the biology of neurodegeneration gradually plunders the cognitive abilities of the person with the disease, the strategies of care and the communications skills of the care provider could help to maintain independent functioning and life with dignity, and slow the rate of losses in the activities of daily living. " What do we do now? How do we help when no help is wanted, really wanted? "Control" has a name and it's not easy or pleasant to talk to him/her. They have all the ins and outs of caring for mom and are unwilling to risk giving some of it up for fear of losing control. Their loss and ours as well.
When the time comes I pray that our children will listen to each other ..... be kind and tenderhearted as Ephesians 4:32 tells us to be. To encourage one another....1 Thessaloians 5:11 but most of all, love one another deeply from the heart.....Peter 1:22
4.30.2010
Lessons
Today has been a day of lessons learned. I've learned to change this format out.....learned to be silly in front of my children....learned to enjoy the silence.....learned to relish the noise that's been missing from home for several years.....learned not to talk about the weather......yet, learned to enjoy the rain, snow, sleet and sunshine all on the same morning/afternoon while viewing dinosaurs. Yes, dinosaurs!! I've learned that my children have done, said and played things I'm not sure I want to know.
Today was the last day of April and the beginning of my birthday month.....yea!! Coming of age....at least this age.....will be an awakening of who I am, who I've become and where I'm going. This last year has been a truth be known year and the coming year will bring options of what to do with it and more lessons to be learned. It was a year of new beginnings and the awareness of family relationships. I should be grateful....or thankful for small mercies.
Today was the last day of April and the beginning of my birthday month.....yea!! Coming of age....at least this age.....will be an awakening of who I am, who I've become and where I'm going. This last year has been a truth be known year and the coming year will bring options of what to do with it and more lessons to be learned. It was a year of new beginnings and the awareness of family relationships. I should be grateful....or thankful for small mercies.
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