Research and Visit

              I made up my mind not to remain in the side lines and be bullied into thinking that I cannot visit my mom.  So the research began when I called the Dispute Resolutions Center on Monday, July 30, 2012 and spoke to Josie.  She gave me advice to document everything that has been going on with the lack of communication with  my brother concerning mom.  She also gave me numbers to call and websites to visit concerning rights of elder care and lawyers specializing in elder care.  I hate that it has come to this!  I also called AT&T requesting my texts' conversations (if you call them that) be printed with dates, names and times.  They said that would not be possible but that I should email them to myself and document the times/dates and who they were from.  So my documentation began several months ago with this blog.....since no one but me reads it, I figured it would be okay....I also emailed all the texts and put them into a word document with names, dates, times, etc.  Next I checked into the difference between Power of Attorney and a Guardianship, how each is obtained and the differences in  powers and usage.  Next I checked into Sibling Rights of an Adult Guardianship--Legal Agreements and Visitation Rights.  All very informative!!
              I attended a funeral service this morning for one of my new "friends".....Dora Rodriguez....member of my once a month breakfast club I joined at Aunt Jo's invitation two years ago.  I have grown very fond of the ladies that attend even though they are 20 years my senior  They are what I would love to become  as I grow older!   At her Funeral Mass I heard once again Psalm 23 song lyrics that I heard on Sunday, July 22

Shepherd me, O God beyond my wants,
beyond my fears, from death into life.
God is my shepherd, so nothing shall I want,
I rest in the meadows of faithfulness and love,
I walk by the quiet waters of peace.

Gently you raise me and heal my weary soul,
You lead me by pathways of righteousness and truth,
my spirit shall sing the music of your Name.

You have set me a banquet of love
in the face of hatred,
crowning me with love beyond my pow’r to hold.

Surely your kindness and mercy follow me
all the days of my life;
I will dwell in the house of my God forevermore.


Shepherd me, O God beyond my wants,
beyond my fears, from death into life.


AND so with renewed awareness of what needed to be done, (after the funeral) I picked up my sister and we went to visit mom at the Rehab Center where we aren't supposed  to know that she is.  We wanted to talk to the Social Services counselor, Jack, but he wouldn't even address any questions concerning mom.  We emphatically insisted that we talk to an administrator and so he led us to her office.  With bold courage we stated our wants and needs to Mrs. Betty Renker, LNFA.  She insisted that she could not discuss any matters concerning mom with us and we had to take it up with our brother.  I asked if his power of attorney covered the authorization to keep us from visiting mom.  She shrugged and told us to discuss it with him.  I asked her if she had even read the document and she said "No".   So I asked for a copy so I could read it or if she would please read it to check on the verbage of the document preventing us from visiting.  She came back and said there was nothing in the document that prevented us from seeing her.  With that we asked that she not tell Michael that we had been there, but unfortunately the phone call had already been made.  My temper ALMOST got the best of me but I held me tongue and kept my cool.  I told her that we had not even approached mom yet we had just asked to visit with her, the administrator.  I do believe she regretted the phone call and saw that we were not there to cause trouble or bring her into any "family issues".  We simply were there to see/visit with mom.  Unfortunately she will tell Michael and it will be "placed on record" that we were there.  BUT with the awareness that there is nothing in the documents that prove that he has authority to keep us from mom, she said we could come anytime.  BUT for how long before he removes her again from their care.   

           We had a  lovely visit with mom......she broke down and cried when she saw us and then recouped.  We talked and laughed.....I showed her pictures of Anthony and Julian (she hadn't seen her two newest great grandsons). We talked about Sarah moving back to SA and then after 20 minutes the visit had to end.  We told her we had to leave and she said she could not cry because Michael would be mad and get upset.  I told her not to be upset and that we would come back to see her.  The nurses saw her in a good mood which is a help to us since one of the excuses he uses is that we upset her whenever we see her. 
      It was a good visit and I'm glad we had the boldness of Christ surrounding us.

Ps 138:3  When I cried to You, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.

Pro 3:26 The Lord will be your (strong) confidence and will not allow your foot to be caught.

A Surprise to Us!!

It's been a few days since I last wrote....frustration, busyness of life, excuses!!  My sister, Mary and I have been looking forward to our annual "Sisters' Week" at the coast for a while now, since we planned it in March, really.  We were hoping that Esther, younger sister, would join us but alas, she said she still had too much to do for the upcoming wedding of her daughter Sabrina.  We mentioned that it might be good for her if she just chilled before the wedding especially since she sounded so stressed.....but she declined!  Oh well, next year won't come soon enough for her!

Mary picked me up at the airport on Monday morning after my week long trip to JP & Meg's to see the boys.....wonderful time with the grandbabies and on top of that I also got to see Gina & Greg with the children....all of them..   What a treat!  SIX grandkids in one trip!!

So she picked me up, we went home to check on the pool, the yard, the house, and exchange suitcases.  Yes, it was packed for the beach before I left for St. Louis!  Off we went.  Stopped for lunch, and on the way we decided to keep on driving to visit our aunt and uncles in Brownsville.  What a great idea!  Aunt Rosie was delighted to see us.  We spent the night with her and Uncle Emilio.  We visited with Tio Felo and spent most of the evening documenting family history on the Shears/Leal side.  My goodness, skeletons in the closet we have.    We had breakfast early morning with Tia and then picked up some pan de dulce to take over to Tio Cale & Tia Julie's for our second helping of breakfast.

On our way to Brownsville, we called Tia Mary Lou and told her our plan....she was giddy with delight that we would actually want to drive all the way down to visit for a day and knew that they, at the receiving end would love it.  She also mentioned that we needed to make a trip to "Willy-Willy's" for some margaritas.......Willy-Willy turned out to be WannaWanna!!  They were good margaritas, beach side with Cerviche and Fried Shrimp.

We are now at the beach and it has been frustrating in that we cannot get our condo internet to work and so Mary and I have been sitting at WalMart McDonald's downloading CM stuff so we can take it back an work on our digital scrapbooking.  While the downloading is taking place I also decided to write.  Maybe too, because we received a phone call from Tia Mary Lou telling us that she had received permission to visit mom.   BUT, she was told that she would be picked up at her home and taken to mom.  Tia assumed that Michael would take her to Shady Springs but instead took her to Regent Care Rehab center and told Tia that mom had been there for two weeks.  TWO WEEKS and we haven't heard from them to let us know that she had fallen again and fractured some more of her hip.  The last time we heard from Mike and Angie (more Angie) was when I tried to visit mom and I was told that THEY would let me know when and if mom wanted to see me and until then I was not to come over!!!

SO now she's at the rehab center and they (staff) have been told that no one is to visit mom except Mike, Angie and now Tia Mary Lou.   A surprise to us!!

Question:  do I take this to a legal step?  Who would it be helping and who would it  be hurting?  IS this something of an abuse that I would take it to Adult Protective Services?  to a Dispute Resolution Court?  Where do we turn in our rights to see our mom??????????????????

A Nice Visit

       Since mom has been home, I been able to see her twice!  Once with Mary and today with Manuel, Mary, and Katie.  It was a good visit.  She was having breakfast and was playful with all of us.  Michael opened the front door and grabbed his bottle of water and walked out the back, never acknowledging us!!!  But what's new? 

       Manuel was in because his mother-in-law passed away so it was not a planned visit.

       On the other hand, they are all very excited to be with us at Sabrina's wedding next month and will even be staying at the same hotel.....that should be a good time!!

I enjoyed my time today with my brother and sister.....lots of hugs and reassurances of family.  Always good.

Weekend is near....

        Mom went home last night....we were notified at 10:30 pm.  They got a hospital bed for her too.  She is to continue bed rest for the next 6 - 8 weeks, bearing no weight.  Therefore, she cannot get up to go to the bathroom, to bathe, to eat, etc.  Nurses were supposed to be called to set up times as to when they were going to visit the house.  I asked if we had visiting hours as well......they were to let us know this afternoon.  So far, nothing has been said about that!  But she's home, I'm sure she will do okay.....but our visits have been cut all together until we "have permission" to see her.....that "sucks"!!  (sorry, I don't usually say that) 

        In the meantime....G & G got home! Bathroom is not finished but they were thrilled with the results so far.  I'm happy with that....but next week will be filled with trying to finish it and I'm not sure how much time I can devote to that project as I started to fill my calendar with things to do.  Oh well...back to the rescheduling board! 

        So thankful for the weekend! 

Oh my!!

        Stopped by to see mom today.  With coffee in hand and a cotton sweater I had to change out the blue one she has been wearing for the last two weeks, I walked down the hall only to be told she wasn't there.  She wasn't there!!  I asked where she was and they told me to ask my brother.  Seriously, you can't tell me if she's checked out!  Come to find out, the nurse, who doesn't divulge any information, finally said mom was taken to a doctor's appointment.  I asked if she would be back and all he could say was that she was not checked out.  What will I find tomorrow?  Or will they even let us know if they check her out?    Such is the communication!!!

     In the meantime, G & G are on their way back and the bathroom remodel is not  complete.....yikes!!  This never happens in TV home shows where they get the work done in two or three days, does it?????? 

Clearly Another Day

        I felt guilty not seeing mom on Friday but timing was not right....I did, however, see her on Saturday and Sunday.  Saturday, I met my sister and we had "brunch" with mom.  She ate a blueberry muffin which is the most I've seen her eat for breakfast since she got there.  This was good.  We had a nice conversation, up until we had to leave.  Mom got weepy and confused as to why we weren't taking her with us.  The nurses came in and told her she needed to be bathed and that seemed to help out a bit.  It's hard to leave when she's like that.
        Sunday, after church and breakfast Tony and I both went in to see mom.  It was around noon, she had just been to occupational therapy and was in a great mood.  We wheeled her in to a very nice, open rec room.  We sat around a small table and they were able to serve her lunch there.  This was great.  We talked while she ate her lunch and it was good to see her feed herself and continue to visit.  It wasn't until she focused on a painting across from her that she started recounting things that probably didn't happen.  We had a hard time refocusing as she kept coming back to the same story several times.  After her dessert, we wheeled her to the nurses station  which is where she likes to be.  There she can visit with another patient, Mrs. Woodhouse.  They are very cute together, holding hands, telling each other stories and laughing.  My mom tends to be very social.  We left her in good hands. 
        Monday was difficult to get there, I had a slight stomach bug that prevented me from going too far and I certainly didn't want to give it to her.   
        Today was better and I've been to see her......she was surprised to see me, she was weepy and asked if the nurses had called me.  That was an indication of  something gone poorly!!!  Apparently, she refused her breakfast, had yelled at them and become irritated.  In a way it's funny because my walking in made it seem as though she had been "caught" acting like a naughty girl.  Oh mother!!!  We visited for a while, still confused....I watered her lovely plant, a begonia.  She told me not to do that, I told her that the plant like her needed to be fed and watered or it would die.  She very stubbornly told me to let it die......I hate it when she talks that way.  We changed the conversation to the sunshine and possibility of rain. I showed her pictures of grandkids, the same ones I show her every day.....she delights in seeing them for the "first time".   
        I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  I watched her as she napped off and on during my visit.  Clearly she has beautiful skin,  even with all the weight loss, she barely has wrinkles on her face.  She doesn't have skin flaws other than the brusing she still has from her hospital stay.  Her facial skin is creamy white and soft.  Her sleep is interrupted by noises outside her door and she gets startled which leaves her confused and asking where she is. 
        What is it that Scarlett O'Hara says......"tomorrow is another day"......or maybe Annie....."the sun will come out tomorrow".  I don't know what tomorrow will bring.


        Today is my in-laws 64th wedding anniversary!!!  Congratulations to them.  I've been "babysitting" the house while they've been on vacation and their bathroom has been remodeled.  It's been tedious but I've been genuinely glad to do it!  Congratulations to  them with all of my love.

All in all it was a good day!

     I walked into mom's room this morning, she was awake and sitting in a wheelchair.  She looked rested and clean.  She had again refused her breakfast, so I asked if they would bring something that I could coax her into eating.  They brought a bowl of oatmeal and a small glass of juice.  Mom refused to even taste it.  At 9:00 a.m. Lory walked in with mom's meds, crushed and mixed into a paste using a milkshake of sorts.  Mom would barely open her mouth, she'd arch her back and spit whatever was placed in there.  Ugh! she was frustrating!  Lory had a milkshake waiting for her and when mom wasn't watching he mixed the meds into the shake hoping mom would take them that way.  She took most of it.  The problem with not taking her meds at this time was that she would not be offered any others until 3:00 p.m.  Mixed in these were her pain meds.  We had a short visit, but it was a good visit.
     Yesterday I talked to Jack, Social Worker, at the rehab center and he was getting back to me concerning the power of attorney, rights we have in asking questions concerning mom, her care and her needs.  Well.....today we were told it was up to the "responsible party" to allow us to know any of this.  Federal law prevents us from getting any answers unless our little brother says we are on the "approved list".  Wow!!!  So instead of being cordial, communicative, informative concerning mom we are to ask our questions on a yellow tablet left on her nightstand and when "they" get to it they'll respond.  How 'bout that?  We can't win this battle, but we won't give him the opportunity to hold out anything either.  The nurses have, in their own way, filled us in on what's going on.  Mary and I have been appreciative of this and have shown it.  They know what kind of person they're dealing with in him. 
     I was able to come home before 11:00 a.m. this morning....after sitting at Addax waiting for the workmen to finish for the day.  This is my second week staying over there while the guest bath is being remodeled.  It has been a long two weeks!  I've gotten some scrapbooking done, made CM calls, and somehow my business part of this has been great! 
     Because I was home most of today, laundry was finished, the floors were swept and mopped and dinner was on time!  All in all it was a good day.......God will somehow let us know what we need to know about mom.  Patience, persistence, prayers, and gratitude is all we need right now.