Last day of 2010! God has been good to us and we are thankful for all of His blessings....in January I had a wonderful opportunity to be with my girls...my daughters all of them....to celebrate Gina's 40th birthday. I remember like it was such a short time ago how tiny she was (5 lb. 14 oz. 18 in long) and bringing her home from the hospital...how scared we were to have such a fragile life and be responsible for her....I pray that we have been faithful to being good parents!
In early spring I helped my sister as she struggled with injuries from dog bites, she is still struggling with this. We had JP, Meg, Carlos in early March join us at home and at the coast, then we had the munchkins from Dallas come for Spring Break....such fun!!!
In April, I journeyed to Utah to celebrate Lora's birthday, Rebecca's 1st Communion and help Gina after surgery.
I had a wonderful birthday month....I've always liked the month of May :).
In June, we shared some fun times at the ranch and the coast, 13 of us...found out we were to be grandparents to numbers 11 and 12....more blessings!!!! Tony and I celebrated our 41st wedding anniversary giving each other a Caroline Skiff...named her "Forty One"!!
July was a sisters week at the coast, Mary stayed 3 days and Esther stayed 4......our planning didn't quite work out the way we "planned". Rita and the kids joined me for the rest of the week and we enjoyed the surf and sun and the new boat!!
We boated in August and then I took a trip back out to Utah to celebrate Jonathan's Confirmation. Such a grown-up thing to do and yet he passed all the requirements and we did it!
September brought about a trip to St. Louis....we visited with JP, Meg & Carlos in their new home...very nice. Great trip with between homework, classes, trips to the park and helping with some minor chores.
The guys made it to the "guys' weekend" modeling after our January girls' weekend....but they went fishing, we scrapped, they played cards, we watched chick flicks, they drank Wild Turkey, we had wine & Shiner Bock......but most importantly we ate out and had pedicures!!! October also brought challenges as our youngest grand-daughter decided to come early--very early, at 28 weeks. It has been back and forth since then....emotions running up and down. Lots of prayers, tears, undecided moments and heart tugs as to what to do. I just want to hold Rita and tell her all is going to be okay, let her rest, allow her to just cry but I see a strong woman.....my little girl, all grown up, with her family, struggling to make sure they don't see the stress. As I reflect on her, I remember where I was at 35 years of age......I had four children, 14, 9, 7 and an infant with a husband who was very ill....undiagnosed....was it cancer? was he going to be alright??? Lost 25 lbs in 2 weeks....lethargic....frail....not going to work.....couldn't figure out what was wrong...........many novenas to our Lady, to St. Anthony...........no support, no family close by...........but it worked out.....for I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. And the plans we have seen the Lord work out have not always been according to ours but surely better than we could have ever hoped.
I went to a quilt show in Houston with my favorite mother in law and Carrie....had a great time. Found lots of patterns and fabrics.....then, I flew up to Portland to visit with Lora and family....grandchildren bring such joy!!! I loved reconnecting with the sewing machine and the love of sewing for my children!!! But now it's for the grandchildren....I am having so much fun doing this!!!
We spent Thanksgiving with Rita and family....celebrated Lydia's birthday and anxiously wondered when Marianne would come home......we began a new chapter in our lives as we face a forced retirement...Tony's contract was not renewed and so he is home.....we have had lots of time together, more time than we ever had before we were married and after....honeymooning sometimes and other times some space is needed. I married a wonderful man! :)
We celebrated my sister's 50th birthday but more importantly we celebrated reuniting with my brother, Manuel. This was the best!!
We went back to Dallas in December and we pray that our little miracle comes home soon.....perhaps a new home....but we will leave all of this in God's hands, only He knows what's in store for them and for us.
I have spent some time with my mom....probably could try to spend more time with her, sometimes I feel like I am asking permission to visit with her and it is up to him as to whether he will "allow" me to visit or not. Other times I feel as if she just doesn't want to see anyone and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Her health is good, her memory is not. We keep re-directing the conversation so she can focus on good memories and not the bad, or the stuff that makes her sad. I just need to remember to stay positive myself and not give up or want to quit seeing her. She needs me and I need her!
Today is the last day of 2010 and the resolution for next year is to try to "journal" daily.....oh, okay.....once a week!!!! It is 11:15 p.m. on Dec 31, 2010.....God has been good to me....to us....thank you Lord for your many blessings, for our children and their wonderful spouses, for our grandchildren. Thank you Lord for our family and friends.....bless them.
12.31.2010
12.21.2010
Merry Christmas!
I know that giving is better than receiving, yet when we delivered the gifts to our adopted family this evening we received so much more than we gave. The tears and grateful expressions of thankfulness were more than expected and more than we deserved.
We are thankful for the blessings we have received this year and the opportunity to share. Merry Christmas!!
We are thankful for the blessings we have received this year and the opportunity to share. Merry Christmas!!
11.29.2010
A visit!
I will take my mother to visit my father's graveside tomorrow. My fear is that I will not be able to find it. My dad passed away 15 years ago and sadly I have not been by to "visit" in over 10 years.
Reflecting on this, Tony and I question the validity of being buried in a box, in a graveside, with a tombstone.....for whom? I don't want to burden my children or give them the "Catholic guilt" for not visiting. Yet I don't want them to have the ashes on their mantle.....so what to do? Ashes, sounding more reasonable....scattered throughout our favorite places....under the mesquite, Bob Hall pier.....something to think about, I guess. Certainly before something really needs to be done....just don't let me sit on your mantle for a long time and certainly don't argue over what to do with me!! :)
Reflecting on this, Tony and I question the validity of being buried in a box, in a graveside, with a tombstone.....for whom? I don't want to burden my children or give them the "Catholic guilt" for not visiting. Yet I don't want them to have the ashes on their mantle.....so what to do? Ashes, sounding more reasonable....scattered throughout our favorite places....under the mesquite, Bob Hall pier.....something to think about, I guess. Certainly before something really needs to be done....just don't let me sit on your mantle for a long time and certainly don't argue over what to do with me!! :)
11.14.2010
Rainy days in Portland
It would seem that rainy days were meant to just curl up on the sofa, wrapped in a soft blanket, a cup of tea and a good book....but you aren't in the midst of a two and a four year old!!! So much energy....as the saying goes...."if only we could bottle it up".
Went to church, praised God for such energy and prayed that I would have enough of it to continue enjoying and embracing it as the grandchildren continue to grow around me.
Such fun!!
Went to church, praised God for such energy and prayed that I would have enough of it to continue enjoying and embracing it as the grandchildren continue to grow around me.
Such fun!!
9.22.2010
Disappointment
So, I had the day planned with projects to do, pictures to identify and lunch with my sister, when I get this call cancelling the whole day....hard to swallow when your mom says "no I don't feel like going out today". After a thought or two that probably shouldn't have entered my mind, I swallowed hard, indeed, saddened by the lost opportunity and lost moments with her that will be more difficult to recapture as time goes by.
Still had lunch with my sister...made a great effort not to bring the subject up (we had already talked) and to just enjoy lunch. Conversations over TV shows that have come into view as the new season opens up, scrapbooks we are working on, our kids, my grandkids, our recent trip to the coast, the rainy days we have had....but neither of us wanted to bring up the subject of our Mom. Too painful to feel rejected, as she was rejected three weeks ago and told to stay "out of her life". My, what has God planned for us??? The journey is probably just beginning and we must remember to keep our armor up!
Disappointment---maybe I should have insisted but treading in deep waters or walking on thin ice. Patience!!
Still had lunch with my sister...made a great effort not to bring the subject up (we had already talked) and to just enjoy lunch. Conversations over TV shows that have come into view as the new season opens up, scrapbooks we are working on, our kids, my grandkids, our recent trip to the coast, the rainy days we have had....but neither of us wanted to bring up the subject of our Mom. Too painful to feel rejected, as she was rejected three weeks ago and told to stay "out of her life". My, what has God planned for us??? The journey is probably just beginning and we must remember to keep our armor up!
Disappointment---maybe I should have insisted but treading in deep waters or walking on thin ice. Patience!!
8.18.2010
Moving Spirit
I've been awake off and on since 4 am....anxious thoughts webbed in and out of my dreams as I thought and prayed for my kids.
I thought once the children were grown "things" would get easier. My heart is with all of them as I listen to them talk about their daily doings and anxious moments. I know "things" will get easier but because I've traveled similar moments of their path, I know we all have to go through the growing pains. And, yet my heart yearns to make it better, easier, somehow shield them from their anxiety. So I will continue to pray.
Today I will take another step into knowing more about myself and my spirituality. What is spirituality? What does it mean to me and my life? I'm very excited to meet with several women to discuss the need we all thirst for and how we can help each other quench it.
Today I will also walk into Grace Place. This is be a day care Alzheimers' facility where I feel I'm being called to volunteer. I'm going with an agenda though .... 1) I will view it as a safe place to take my mom a few days a week, getting her out of the house and into a place that understands the disease and will guide her to do activities that may keep her mind from slipping so quickly; 2) I hope to be able to work in the library; 3) I hope to learn more about this dreadful disease that is more than my siblings and I seem to be able to wrap our arms around; 4) I hope that this will allow some other times to see my mother.
Today I will get a haircut....not too short....as I'm still satisfied with the length of it.
Today I will try a recipe... one of my mother's....I will begin Volume II of De Las Rosas....
Lots to do and so I must go as the spirit is moving and my anxious thoughts need to be given away.....for nothing is impossible!
I thought once the children were grown "things" would get easier. My heart is with all of them as I listen to them talk about their daily doings and anxious moments. I know "things" will get easier but because I've traveled similar moments of their path, I know we all have to go through the growing pains. And, yet my heart yearns to make it better, easier, somehow shield them from their anxiety. So I will continue to pray.
Today I will take another step into knowing more about myself and my spirituality. What is spirituality? What does it mean to me and my life? I'm very excited to meet with several women to discuss the need we all thirst for and how we can help each other quench it.
Today I will also walk into Grace Place. This is be a day care Alzheimers' facility where I feel I'm being called to volunteer. I'm going with an agenda though .... 1) I will view it as a safe place to take my mom a few days a week, getting her out of the house and into a place that understands the disease and will guide her to do activities that may keep her mind from slipping so quickly; 2) I hope to be able to work in the library; 3) I hope to learn more about this dreadful disease that is more than my siblings and I seem to be able to wrap our arms around; 4) I hope that this will allow some other times to see my mother.
Today I will get a haircut....not too short....as I'm still satisfied with the length of it.
Today I will try a recipe... one of my mother's....I will begin Volume II of De Las Rosas....
Lots to do and so I must go as the spirit is moving and my anxious thoughts need to be given away.....for nothing is impossible!
5.25.2010
After 60
The day after my sixty first birthday I ventured into a new look....braces!!! no, not the wire kind but the invisalign kind. They promise to straighten, brighten, and eventually add life to my now in good health teeth....which is a good thing considering how much these cost. But in the long run I will have my own teeth.
At this age we have to start thinking of such things....will I have my own knees? my own hips? will I be able to play with my grandkids and eat candied apples with them? Such thoughts I supposed never entered my mind before but now that I've reached the AARP age......which I don't have by the way.....thoughts such as these enter. Perhaps it's all the "senior junk mail" we get.....using "senior" priviledges hasn't been an issue though. Even my sister who is not yet a "legal 55 senior" tends to use these priviledges.....getting into the movies for two bucks cheaper works for her!! Getting soup & salad at the local buffet at senior discounts, she likes that as well.....whatever works!! Sixty-one.....I'll still whisper 60!
At this age we have to start thinking of such things....will I have my own knees? my own hips? will I be able to play with my grandkids and eat candied apples with them? Such thoughts I supposed never entered my mind before but now that I've reached the AARP age......which I don't have by the way.....thoughts such as these enter. Perhaps it's all the "senior junk mail" we get.....using "senior" priviledges hasn't been an issue though. Even my sister who is not yet a "legal 55 senior" tends to use these priviledges.....getting into the movies for two bucks cheaper works for her!! Getting soup & salad at the local buffet at senior discounts, she likes that as well.....whatever works!! Sixty-one.....I'll still whisper 60!
5.17.2010
all i needed
God is good.....talked to all my kids today.....all I needed to get me out of the blues. Will start a new day tomorrow and look for the rainbow in the sky! :)
BLAHS
As much as I try....I need to get out of the blahs....but how can I when issues loom overhead and everytime I think about those issues I get a stomach ache!!! Blah!!!
On a good note, I had lunch with my sister, saw my dentist (crown didn't work, need to go back again), need braces....can you believe this???? Did I say this was on a good note? Oh I spoke to two of my children and hopefully by the end of the evening to all of them....maybe by the end of the week? I think I'll hibernate in my sewing/scrapping room for a while, maybe then will I get out of this funk!!!
On a good note, I had lunch with my sister, saw my dentist (crown didn't work, need to go back again), need braces....can you believe this???? Did I say this was on a good note? Oh I spoke to two of my children and hopefully by the end of the evening to all of them....maybe by the end of the week? I think I'll hibernate in my sewing/scrapping room for a while, maybe then will I get out of this funk!!!
5.15.2010
when the time comes
When the time comes, I pray that all my children will be able to connect lovingly and compassionately to decide what is best for one or both of us.
Knowledge is key to successful communication, if we don't have all the information needed we can't communicate with each other. God gave us two ears and one mouth.....we should be able to use the two ears before the mouth gets in the way. Bringing up past history only makes one hysterical......so all history should be put aside. Listening with the heart first, allows all to speak without feeling intimidated, belittled, inadequate or incapable. Listening with the heart first, allows all to listen to the tiny voice that wants to tell the truth the way it is seen by the one speaking or to view a different perspective. Listening with the heart allows some softening......perhaps ........allows all to come to a realization of what is going on with the other.......it may make us unselfish at that. Puts some ground beneath the attacks.....makes way for sharing concern, love, compassion.........OR.........maybe not!!! If there is no room to connect with your siblings.
Communication is more than a transfer of information; it is the forming of a connection that includes heart and soul, thought and feeling.
My mother has Alzhemir's!! Alzhemir's is a terrible disease, an unknown cure. " a painful, wasting disease" According to Claudia J. Strauss "Alzheimer's was dismissed as an untreatable disorder, and the strategy of care consisted of custodial services in environments that were essentially warehouses....it is now evident that, although the biology of neurodegeneration gradually plunders the cognitive abilities of the person with the disease, the strategies of care and the communications skills of the care provider could help to maintain independent functioning and life with dignity, and slow the rate of losses in the activities of daily living. " What do we do now? How do we help when no help is wanted, really wanted? "Control" has a name and it's not easy or pleasant to talk to him/her. They have all the ins and outs of caring for mom and are unwilling to risk giving some of it up for fear of losing control. Their loss and ours as well.
When the time comes I pray that our children will listen to each other ..... be kind and tenderhearted as Ephesians 4:32 tells us to be. To encourage one another....1 Thessaloians 5:11 but most of all, love one another deeply from the heart.....Peter 1:22
Knowledge is key to successful communication, if we don't have all the information needed we can't communicate with each other. God gave us two ears and one mouth.....we should be able to use the two ears before the mouth gets in the way. Bringing up past history only makes one hysterical......so all history should be put aside. Listening with the heart first, allows all to speak without feeling intimidated, belittled, inadequate or incapable. Listening with the heart first, allows all to listen to the tiny voice that wants to tell the truth the way it is seen by the one speaking or to view a different perspective. Listening with the heart allows some softening......perhaps ........allows all to come to a realization of what is going on with the other.......it may make us unselfish at that. Puts some ground beneath the attacks.....makes way for sharing concern, love, compassion.........OR.........maybe not!!! If there is no room to connect with your siblings.
Communication is more than a transfer of information; it is the forming of a connection that includes heart and soul, thought and feeling.
My mother has Alzhemir's!! Alzhemir's is a terrible disease, an unknown cure. " a painful, wasting disease" According to Claudia J. Strauss "Alzheimer's was dismissed as an untreatable disorder, and the strategy of care consisted of custodial services in environments that were essentially warehouses....it is now evident that, although the biology of neurodegeneration gradually plunders the cognitive abilities of the person with the disease, the strategies of care and the communications skills of the care provider could help to maintain independent functioning and life with dignity, and slow the rate of losses in the activities of daily living. " What do we do now? How do we help when no help is wanted, really wanted? "Control" has a name and it's not easy or pleasant to talk to him/her. They have all the ins and outs of caring for mom and are unwilling to risk giving some of it up for fear of losing control. Their loss and ours as well.
When the time comes I pray that our children will listen to each other ..... be kind and tenderhearted as Ephesians 4:32 tells us to be. To encourage one another....1 Thessaloians 5:11 but most of all, love one another deeply from the heart.....Peter 1:22
4.30.2010
Lessons
Today has been a day of lessons learned. I've learned to change this format out.....learned to be silly in front of my children....learned to enjoy the silence.....learned to relish the noise that's been missing from home for several years.....learned not to talk about the weather......yet, learned to enjoy the rain, snow, sleet and sunshine all on the same morning/afternoon while viewing dinosaurs. Yes, dinosaurs!! I've learned that my children have done, said and played things I'm not sure I want to know.
Today was the last day of April and the beginning of my birthday month.....yea!! Coming of age....at least this age.....will be an awakening of who I am, who I've become and where I'm going. This last year has been a truth be known year and the coming year will bring options of what to do with it and more lessons to be learned. It was a year of new beginnings and the awareness of family relationships. I should be grateful....or thankful for small mercies.
Today was the last day of April and the beginning of my birthday month.....yea!! Coming of age....at least this age.....will be an awakening of who I am, who I've become and where I'm going. This last year has been a truth be known year and the coming year will bring options of what to do with it and more lessons to be learned. It was a year of new beginnings and the awareness of family relationships. I should be grateful....or thankful for small mercies.
questions
how does one teach another that procrastination is detrimental to one's overall health? how does one teach another to learn from one's mistakes? how does one put off writing when all one has ever wanted to do is write? how does one love another more than they will ever know?
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