Stay alert, aware, anticipate, prepare but do not be afraid

My sister, Mary and I were able to get out of the house early this morning and visit with mom for a little while. When we arrived we found her in her wheelchair up against her bathroom sink looking at herself in the mirror and crying. I called to her and she didn't recognize me. "?Quien eres?" This was the first time I can recall that she did not recognize who I was. I reminded her it was me and she cried some more and apologized for not remembering.

We quickly tried to get her out of this mood and wheeled her out to the visiting area....nice TV rec room where other patients were "watching" the Olympics.

We talked for a while and teased, as she often does, until she got tired, snapped at us and told us that she didn't like what we were saying!! She decided she needed to take a nap. Basically she was dismissing us and got in a snippy mood...we wheeled her towards her room but the nurses told us she needed to stay by their desks and unless we were going to be in the room with her she was not to be left alone. Mom was done, so we took some pictures, entertained her for a few more minutes trying to get her out of her foul mood before she was taken into therapy. If we leave her while she is in a bad mood, she will brood about it all day and will remember only that. Not that we had a good talk or that we read to her or played with her or showed her pictures of her grandchildren and great grandchildren. (BTW--I show her pictures of the kids everyday and she tries to remember their names) Today, she looked lovely all dressed in her nice pink sweater and wearing jeans. Mary & I came home and got to work filling out some papers to be sent to the Bexar County Dispute Resolutions Center. Tony suggested that we let it rest because we do have visitation rights at the moment. Our fear is that she will again be taken out of the Rehab Center and we will not be told about it and there we sit again not being able to see her.

We also called a Family Law practitioner to seek legal advise on this. Our thinking is "do we seek partial guardianship?" Note from Sibling Rights of an Adult Guardianship• "If one sibling takes guardianship of the elderly or incapacitated parent or sibling, then other siblings do not have visitation rights, unless specifically stated in the guardianship agreement. The guardian can determine what is best for the elderly family member. This situation can lead to conflicts between family members and should be discussed prior to seeking guardianship." Michael doesn't have to tell us that he is acquiring guardianship....so basically he can do this without our knowledge and we won't have the rights to fight it or appeal it. Stuck between a boulder and a hard place!! ONE GOOD NOTE: I went to dinner with a bunch of wonderful women last night...our Whispers group. We hadn't met in 4 years! Wow, had it been that long. We are a "bible study" group, more social than study, yet we hold each other in prayer always. Many of us have been on retreats together and still gather with each other in other studies but it was nice to have this Whispers group together again. PLAN: maybe to restart the group again beginning in September twice a month. Re-open a book we read before to reaquaint us with it & each other....things have changed in the last 4 years and our perspectives as they were then have also changed....In the last four years, we've been blessed with 7 grandchildren!!!! So, yes, it's time for a new look with some old friends! I'm very excited to do this. I must close....I have to finish getting this house in order for next week, CANNOT WAIT!!! :)

Another visit!!

 Mom with her therapist and with me visiting in the hall way of Regent Care Rehab Center.

Listening to music of the 60's-70'sAnother visit yesterday!!  I spent two hours with mom yesterday...we went to occupational therapy, her therapist Diana Chacon was wonderful.  She was patient with mom, encouraging and in more ways than one told me that mom had been there for 3 weeks, she understood the "hermano" situation.  I helped mom, in going to the bathroom, eating from her "magic cup" (a pudding of sorts), taking her to music.  I enjoyed watching her in the music room, her legs were moving and she was "dancing" to the 60's - 70's.  Several nurses came up to her and told her they liked seeing her smile.  She introduced me several times .....  "this is my daughter"  I was glad to have spent that time.....Going again today!

Research and Visit

              I made up my mind not to remain in the side lines and be bullied into thinking that I cannot visit my mom.  So the research began when I called the Dispute Resolutions Center on Monday, July 30, 2012 and spoke to Josie.  She gave me advice to document everything that has been going on with the lack of communication with  my brother concerning mom.  She also gave me numbers to call and websites to visit concerning rights of elder care and lawyers specializing in elder care.  I hate that it has come to this!  I also called AT&T requesting my texts' conversations (if you call them that) be printed with dates, names and times.  They said that would not be possible but that I should email them to myself and document the times/dates and who they were from.  So my documentation began several months ago with this blog.....since no one but me reads it, I figured it would be okay....I also emailed all the texts and put them into a word document with names, dates, times, etc.  Next I checked into the difference between Power of Attorney and a Guardianship, how each is obtained and the differences in  powers and usage.  Next I checked into Sibling Rights of an Adult Guardianship--Legal Agreements and Visitation Rights.  All very informative!!
              I attended a funeral service this morning for one of my new "friends".....Dora Rodriguez....member of my once a month breakfast club I joined at Aunt Jo's invitation two years ago.  I have grown very fond of the ladies that attend even though they are 20 years my senior  They are what I would love to become  as I grow older!   At her Funeral Mass I heard once again Psalm 23 song lyrics that I heard on Sunday, July 22

Shepherd me, O God beyond my wants,
beyond my fears, from death into life.
God is my shepherd, so nothing shall I want,
I rest in the meadows of faithfulness and love,
I walk by the quiet waters of peace.

Gently you raise me and heal my weary soul,
You lead me by pathways of righteousness and truth,
my spirit shall sing the music of your Name.

You have set me a banquet of love
in the face of hatred,
crowning me with love beyond my pow’r to hold.

Surely your kindness and mercy follow me
all the days of my life;
I will dwell in the house of my God forevermore.


Shepherd me, O God beyond my wants,
beyond my fears, from death into life.


AND so with renewed awareness of what needed to be done, (after the funeral) I picked up my sister and we went to visit mom at the Rehab Center where we aren't supposed  to know that she is.  We wanted to talk to the Social Services counselor, Jack, but he wouldn't even address any questions concerning mom.  We emphatically insisted that we talk to an administrator and so he led us to her office.  With bold courage we stated our wants and needs to Mrs. Betty Renker, LNFA.  She insisted that she could not discuss any matters concerning mom with us and we had to take it up with our brother.  I asked if his power of attorney covered the authorization to keep us from visiting mom.  She shrugged and told us to discuss it with him.  I asked her if she had even read the document and she said "No".   So I asked for a copy so I could read it or if she would please read it to check on the verbage of the document preventing us from visiting.  She came back and said there was nothing in the document that prevented us from seeing her.  With that we asked that she not tell Michael that we had been there, but unfortunately the phone call had already been made.  My temper ALMOST got the best of me but I held me tongue and kept my cool.  I told her that we had not even approached mom yet we had just asked to visit with her, the administrator.  I do believe she regretted the phone call and saw that we were not there to cause trouble or bring her into any "family issues".  We simply were there to see/visit with mom.  Unfortunately she will tell Michael and it will be "placed on record" that we were there.  BUT with the awareness that there is nothing in the documents that prove that he has authority to keep us from mom, she said we could come anytime.  BUT for how long before he removes her again from their care.   

           We had a  lovely visit with mom......she broke down and cried when she saw us and then recouped.  We talked and laughed.....I showed her pictures of Anthony and Julian (she hadn't seen her two newest great grandsons). We talked about Sarah moving back to SA and then after 20 minutes the visit had to end.  We told her we had to leave and she said she could not cry because Michael would be mad and get upset.  I told her not to be upset and that we would come back to see her.  The nurses saw her in a good mood which is a help to us since one of the excuses he uses is that we upset her whenever we see her. 
      It was a good visit and I'm glad we had the boldness of Christ surrounding us.

Ps 138:3  When I cried to You, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.

Pro 3:26 The Lord will be your (strong) confidence and will not allow your foot to be caught.