2 p.m---There's always one person who seems to know when it's the right thing to do whether it's within the "rules" or not. It's just right ......thank you for Alma! She knew what was being said about not divulging any information to those (me and Mary) not on "the list"....yet she in so many kind words to mom told me all I needed to know about her behavior this morning. Mom refused her breakfast, she hadn't been to the bathroom (in her Depends), she hadn't taken her meds ...all she wanted to do was sleep. I woke her up, much to her dislike, ordered a breakfast tray and fed her. We did airplane into the airport hanger.....anything to get her to open her mouth and take a spoonful of Cream of Wheat. Seven bites later, she arched her back and refused. Told me it was painful to eat, to swallow, that her throat hurt, that her "nalgas" hurt. I asked them to come check her and they did.....again thank you for doing the "right" thing!
The Speech Therapist came in and did a swallow assessment on her and decided to call mom's doctor for a swallow test. I don't know where this will lead because I have no authority to ask for this and this was on the therapist recommendation but on my insistance to check mom out. Those in "authority" were called and they did not answer their phone. Basically, they were called to have me(us) put on "the list" so they (the nurses) could talk to us. I wasn't asking for authorization on decision making, I just want information on how mom is doing when I'm not there. No call back while I was there for over 2 hours.....so we'll see what happens next.
Mom is frail, fragile, sad, depressed, confused, in unfamiliar surroundings, and alone. Her mind is clouded with cobwebs, a tangle of fine silken thoughts leading to places she can't remember, people she can't seem to forget but doesn't know where they are, timelines that intermix, shadows that frighten her, thoughts that escape, and words she can't grasp anymore. For a moment she becomes lucid and then she reverts back to her state of confusion. She can be very funny one moment and crying the next. She has hidden anger and I see it when her jaw stiffens and her lips tremble.
My mom and I were never "friends". She was my mother and I was always made to remember that I was the child. We never teased each other, shopped as adults, had a leisurely lunch over wine, talked about kids, talked about husbands or men in general. We never went to the beauty shop or the nail shop to get a manicure or a pedicure......there were times when we really never had anything to say to each other. Not even talk about the weather. Conversations were forced. When she and daddy decided that the Catholic faith was no longer theirs, she made it a point to tell me how wrong I was to follow a church that believed Jesus was dead.....(the crucifix). Her Jesus was alive. The Rosary which had been such a part of her life was a bunch of beads that no longer spoke to her heart. Oh mom, what beautiful conversations we could have had......had I been strong enough then to tell you how I believe.
8 p.m. So what happened next----he threw my sister out of mom's room!! Told her that if we wanted to know anything about mom we should write down on the tablet provided and they would answer whenever!!! Told her to get the "f---" out of there because mom didn't want any part of her or me!!! That's family on my side!!!
I'm sad, confused, hurt!!
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